Learning new vocables takes us beyond ourselves. We broaden our points of view, gain knowledge of new facts, and come to a better understanding of the world and our place in it. Vocables can support us when we are exchanging a few words to other people. Here are a number of vocables of uproarious importance (perhaps) I have come across this week:
ART BUM. A person who is on the edge of doing art work, be it writing, acting, playing music, or otherwise. Even though this person thinks about being artsy and doing art incessantly, he or she hardly ever does it. That art bum thinks she'll be the next Picasso, but all she does is have her head in the clouds.
BLAMESTORMING. (1) A meeting intended to find out why a cut-off date was missed or a task failed, and who was to blame. I just got out of a three hour blamestorming meeting with IT about the server collapse last week. Someone's going to end up in joblessness over this. (2) Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who is responsible. Oh, great, we lost the transaction. Time for some more blamestorming.
BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first piss at the pub, usually after two hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the restroom will be required every ten or fifteen minutes for the rest of the night. I broke the seal in bogs, after that there was no stopping me.
CLOSET BITCH. A girl who appears to be very nice and pleasant but is secretly tremendously hateful and dislikes everyone who she pretends to be nice to. Ronelo was convinced Cynthia was an angel until she slapped him in the face for no apparent reason, that's when he realised she was a closet bitch.
CUBE FARM. (1) A cluster of cubicles in a workplace. From the top down, they look like an art farm or bee nest, hiving productive little workers into their cells. I'm glad I have my own office now, escaping the dreaded cube farm. (2) The vain attempt to produce privacy in an otherwise open-office layout through the placement of shared partitions in a box-like arrangement around each adjoining work area. This lousy office hive is nothing but one big fucking cube farm!
FILIPINO PAINT JOB. After the completion of sloppy anal sex, the faeces remaining on the penis of the ‘painter,’ are smeared on the back of the recipient. It is then ‘white washed’ with the semen of the painter. Two hours after eating at Blue Ocean, and fifteen minutes into some hot anal action, Jet pulled out and gave that whore a Filipino paint job.
404-UNABLE TO WOO. When a geek tries to hit on someone out of his or her league and gets rejected. The geek is then unable to woo the person he or she is hitting on. It frequently comes in the form of a disgusted facial expression or the person walking away from the geek looking like he or she saw a ghost. It was named after the notorious 404 web page error that occurs when the page is unavailable. Manuel tried to offer the woman a beer but instead got a 404-unable to woo when he approached her.
GAY AND A HALF. When someone is acting so brainless and capricious that you can't simply call them ‘gay.’ Hey, Clem, look at me stick these straws up my nose! ~Alexis, you're gay and a half!
GAY AS A FISH. A guy who is visibly and indubitably gay. It is more often than not used to alert another dude who's blind to the clues and doesn't take in is being picked up by him. Martin: Hey Rafy, have you met Ricky? He's such a cool guy. Rafy: Is that the guy in your class? Martin: Yeah! He and his roommates are throwing a party at his place and he said we're invited. Rafy: Dude, this guy is gay as a fish. If I were you, I'd watch my back.
GOING FOR A MCSHIT. When you go into McDonalds for the only intention of using the lavatory. Please note: If challenged by the spotty staff member, then your declaration that you will buy food afterwards is a McShit with lies.
GOSSIP VULTURE. A person who only befriends you to learn gossip, and then passes it on. An accepted journalistic activity, but also widespread somewhere else. Frances is a true gossip vulture. I told her about Luis and she's mistreated me since.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: ‘Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!’ Martin in bathroom: ‘Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!’ Edmond: ‘Haha sounds like Martin is having a monkey bath!’
MYSTERY FRUIT. A person who may or may not be ‘closet gay.’ Jimmy: So did Ricky ever come out? Prince: No, he's still a mystery fruit.
SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a great deal of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. Rafy never accomplishes anything. All he does is come in here every now and then, complain about deadlines, puts more work on us, then goes back to surfing the intraweb. He's such a seagull manager.
SHOPPERLIFTED. When a cashier forgets to put items in a customer's shopping bag and they depart the store without them. Again and again, the shopper will return home, empty out their goods, and find out in outrage the lack of certain items. I thought I just bought toilet paper?! ~Haha, it looks like you just got shopperlifted.
SWAMP-DONKEY. An incredibly unsightly, usually fat girl or gay who hangs about in pubs and clubs waiting to sexually assault males who are too drunk to defend themselves. Damn! Look at her! What a swamp donkey!
TARTANGLE. To feel mortified for someone in a cinema film even though you are not part of the scene. Oh my god the entire ‘She's the Man’ is a giant tartangle!
TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking total bollocks. It is best for use when managers, advertising types, or TV producers start spiralling out of control. Stop testiculating and give me a straight answer, if you can.
UGLOID. A very ugly person. No, I am not going out with that ugloid!
UGLORABLE. When describing something that is all together ugly and adorable. The vocable that results from the combination of the words ‘ugly’ and ‘adorable.’ Oh, that pigmy hippopotamus is absolutely uglorable!/Panay News Sunday
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