On Beauty and Gayness

an essay by Roger B Rueda

Is it proper to say so – that a handsome man can’t become a gay because only the ugly ones deserve to become one? But is it also proper to say that an ugly man can’t be a gay because only those who can look pretty deserve to become one? Our opinions and sentiments sometimes suck – and are puzzling.

Being gay isn’t based on one’s ugliness or handsomeness. For one, being gay is a way of thinking and what makes one tick. So saying that an ugly man is so unrealistic for becoming a gay is so illogical and unthinking. Much so when one is so handsome, because a lot would say that one is living in vain. Being ugly and being gay could effectively interweave. Why not? Being handsome and being gay, too. Being a gay has no system and design based on beauty or race or status in life. Anyone can be a gay regardless of his eminence and prominence –or even looks, so it’s atypical. Life is indeed hit or miss and predictable as well.

Whatever combination one has is thinkable and likely – an ugly gay or a handsome gay or a pretty gay or a freakish gay or a senseless gay or a plump gay. We can’t saddle someone with our own standard. Only a scientist can, to a robot or to his Frankenstein. People especially gays evolve and emerge with a lot of freedom in deciding how to behave and think, because everyone is at liberty. In a country such as the Philippines, all people are expected to be willing to listen to and consider other people's ideas and suggestions. Apparently, the most powerful people in the world are the people who love changes and new ideas. Their maturity and humanity are unforeseen yet felt.

Being gay is indefinable. Being gay has no restriction, yet being gay isn’t really extraordinary because being gay is no different from being a human being. A gay, like a man and a woman, knows love, too. He knows how to value and respect life. He also celebrates life as he is pleased and excited about his reality. He can be impaired by pain and suffering. He has feelings and thoughts because being a gay is a fact of life, something that relates to humanity and existence, something that cannot be discounted or repudiated or circumvented. It is a mystery of life which is appalling based on what is normal and anticipated, yet when not confronted or explored or plumbed up to its depth, we can’t know how enigmatic it is or how reflective it is. It is a fact of life which draws us to be free-thinking and permissive, because we value respect, consideration for others, and love for others based on their happiness and feelings more than the normalcy and what is usual. Being gay is not a choice, but it is being truthful or true to oneself. It is being sincere to one’s innermost complexity. It is recognising nature or the supernatural for what is felt or sensed rather than what is imposed by others. It is confronting oneself instead of disagreeing with it.

Being tolerant to gayness is being OK with more choice and diversity into the society. It is enjoying the uniqueness of everyone and the uniqueness of one’s experience.

Now I hope you’ve got my point and most likely use your imagination to weigh up a lot of things around us by understanding them or putting up with them or passing over them because so long as it doesn’t cause detriment to us, I think the best thing to do is keep mum. For one, we don’t know their hardship and struggle and desolation and misery because they, too, want to live life happily and normally as everyone does.

Life is so fabulous only if we know how to make one.