A Thorn in My Side

a poem by Roger B Rueda

for Rytha Mae

I feel a prickle of disquiet – my blood flowing
fast round my body.
I feel my fingers growing numb
at my tips.
My legs feel numb and my toes ached.
I feel a bit under the weather.
This stretches my imagination
and draws me out to a threshold.
I shake in my shoes.
The pity is that it is all completely unnecessary.
I look in the mirror
and see that my face is covered in terror.
I pray that God judge me with mercy.
I whisper His name
and the Trinity.
I turn to look at him but close my eyes –
I’m a martyr to my life.
My immortal soul seems in peril
as the howling wind sounds
like the wailing of lost souls.
I close my eyes and imagine I’m in bliss.
Slowly, I release my breath
through clenched teeth,
my word almost broken.
I touch my other spine and squeeze it dry.
The night is spent in prayer then,
tears welling up.
My thorn, someday, I’ll thank you –
for the life you’ve picked up and fatefully held dear.